Despair

It's not hard to fall into it.

But bloody hell if it isn't hard to crawl out of.

Despair is a battle. You don't always know you're in it, let alone battling to get out of it, but that's exactly what's going on.

Forgetting who I am. Forgetting that I'm a warrior. Forgetting that I've battled much stronger people, issues, problems, than this. That was just a little pebble the universe showed me to point me in the right direction. To remind me that it's a battle. It can be difficult.

But it's only despair. It's just an act in a play against this interesting stage that is life.

I can get out of it. I can focus. I can calm myself down. I can Be. I can overcome. I can remember who I am. That? Will get me out of it.

And so I feel free, I feel better, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know, I KNOW, that this too shall pass.

And then I get my period.

And despair sticks to me again. I feel the spiral. I feel the sadness. I feel the hopelessness.

And so I hold to the fact that it's despair. It's just despair. Yet it's such a huge battle. But really, it's just despair.

So now that I recognize that, I know what I'm dealing with. I know how to get out of it.

You know when you enter a dark room, there's no light, you don't know what's in there - what lies ahead, especially if you've never been there before.

What do you do?

You turn on a light.

Illuminate it so you can see it.

And then? It's not dark anymore.

Where there's light, there can be no dark.

So, sadness with the period, yes.

But at least I'm getting one.

Perhaps next month. Perhaps next month I'll have the opportunity to pee on a stick.

And see two pink stripes.

Urs.