I miss you. I miss you so much, my little one.

My little boy.

I miss waking up each morning absolutely delighted that it's another day and that you're growing in leaps and bounds. I miss the feeling of having you with me. I miss the feelings of awe and wonderment and joy of knowing that you're another day older. Another day closer to coming into this world, another day closer to meeting you, to seeing you for the first time. My child.

My little boy.

Do you know that you recognized my voice? That you recognized your father's voice?

I remember when it happened. I was in a meeting and your father was talking. And at that exact moment, I knew that you recognized him.

As your father.

You responded to the sound of his voice.

I cried a little right then and there, knowing that.

Do you know that you already had fingerprints? You already had an identity. No matter where you were in the world, you'd be known. You'd be recognized. You had fingerprints. You could be found. And taken care of.

And loved.

Do you know that when I pressed into my belly you would snuggle up to that same area? You responded to me.

Your mother.

You loved me already. As I did you.

Every morning I would tune to you. I would send you millions of tendrils of love. There was an energetic beam, millions of energetic beams that I would send you. Beams of unconditional love, of love and protection. And you know what? Each and every time I did that, each and every time I made that heart connection with you, you would respond. You would move.

And I could feel those movements. And you were my child. And you would respond to that love I was sending you and you would love me back in the only way you could and such a young age.

Pre-birth.

And I carry you with me. You're always with me.

And I so miss you.

I miss having you in my womb. And taking care of you the best I could. Eating the right foods. Taking it easy - I was carrying special, and fragile, cargo! Loving you. Talking to you. Caring for you.

Loving you.

Did you feel pain when your little heart was stopping? Did you know you were dying? Did you struggle? Did you hurt? Were you scared? Was it frightening?

I wish I had known. I wish I could have stopped it. I wish so many things. I wish that my body had cooperated with my heart. I wish that I had a signal of what was happening so I could do something. I wish I could have stopped it. I wish that you were still with me. Still growing inside of me. You magical little boy.

There is not a moment that goes by that you're not with me. Sometimes I still put my hand on my belly to feel close to you. I do miss you so.

Things are not the same without you. A piece of me went with you. Nobody can tell.

Except me.

I'm not the same.

I lost you.

My little boy. My love. My precious little one.

Will you come back? Or will you be watching over me?

I know you are safe now. I know you will not know struggle. You will not ever again know heartbreak. Your little heart will forever beat now, safely.

I love you so much. I miss you terribly. It was an honour to have you with me, inside of me, even for such a short time. Thank you for choosing me as your mother.

A part of me feels as though I failed you... I'm so incredibly sorry. I did try. I tried so much to make sure you were safe.

My body failed me.

My body failed you.

Know that you were loved. Know that you still are loved. Know that you were my child. You were my baby. You had a family that was so happy to have you coming to us.

Every single moment is cherished, is etched in my memory, in my consciousness, in my body.

Urs.