Remind me not to talk to him again.

He's not your friend Ursula, he's a VP.

I've GOT to remember that. I can get carried away chatting with him because I like him so much. As a friend. And as a VP in the company I work for. But I really like him as a friend. We have a good friendship. Not spectacular. Not close, really. We don't hang out outside of work.

But we're friends.

And so we chat. And so we bitch. And we talk about our frustrations with our jobs.

And our bosses.

But my boss is a VP too. And my boss and him don't necessarily see eye to eye. And when I bitch about my boss to him, my friend, it's damaging to my boss. It's like ammunition for him. He could turn around and say, "your staff doesn't respect you", that kind of thing.

And, I mean, it wouldn't necessarily be a lie, but it doesn't have to be mentioned.

For the record, I respect my boss as a person, but not as a Vice President in this corporation. It's unfortunate, but true.

At this moment.

BUT, I was thinking last night while I was working a concert (had clients in) (it was a shitty concert so I had lots of time to think about other things as I wasn't watching the show) that perhaps I'm a bit jaded about my boss because of my friend, the other VP. Perhaps I've just been listening to him too long. Perhaps he's pulling me down into the shit that he's stuck in.

I came to the realization that yes, that's exactly what has happened.

He's down on the company lately because his staff tried to get him fired. His staff went to the president with a huge (years) list of complaints and issues and harrassment notes.

His staff tried to get him fired.

Nobody in my bosses 15 year history with this organization has ever tried to get him fired.

I do believe I was aligning with the wrong person. But I do like him as a person and as a friend, I just wouldn't want to work for him. And it's not that I was aligning with him to further my career or keep me safe, I just was attracted to his personality.

And so after all of this thinking last night, I woke up thismorning remembering my dream:

I'm in a hockey arena with my boss and the leader of the NHL team that plays there. The NHL leader is feeding us bullshit. I'm looking at my boss for leadership and don't feel that I'm getting any. I'm thinking he's being a wet noodle. I'm wanting him to stand up and not take this bullshit anymore. But he's not. I'm getting more frustrated and more frustrated by the second. Just before I'm about to scream at this NHL man, my boss comes out with a doozy and it pretty much knocks the other guy on his ass. It completely shuts him up and he realizes he doesn't have a leg to stand on anymore. His bullshit is over. The buck stops here.

And so I was extremely proud of my boss and of working for him.

It made me realize that he can steer the boat.

So I should get over myself, shut up and let him.

Urs.

Not that kind of Mommy.

So Stacey and I hit our first pre-natal yoga class last night. I'm the skinniest! YAY!

There are only about 10 of us there, 1 due in July, 4 due in August, the rest due in the fall, and one gal is due 4 days before me in January. So, I'm the "youngest" and skinniest.

Stace and I were the first to arrive. Put our mats down and were chattering away for a few minutes when others began to trickle in. Most of them knew each other from the last classes and were chit chatting. Then they zoned in on me and Stace. The newbies.

"What's your name?"

"You're tiny, you are starting early."

"When are you due?"

We were absolutely peppered with questions. Absolutely peppered. Remember, I'm only 12 weeks. I haven't discussed my pregnancy with anyone other than my husband, my mom, and my 3 closest friends.

I was extremely uncomfortable with the questions. It's like my private little world of the past 8 weeks is slowly disappearing. My little secret is now coming out in the open. I'll have to start talking about it with other people. Ewwww.

I'm a very private person. Very private. Extremely private. And now I'm being asked questions about a very private thing. And being given advice by people who don't know me but think there's this bond just because we have something in common. People get pregnant every day for crying out loud. It doesn't automatically make them bestest friends with other pregnant women.

God.

I already have a friend.

I don't need anymore.

I've better get used to this or it's going to be a really long 6 months.

Urs.

A little bit pregnant.

I am feeling SO pregnant today. Not fat. Not sore. Not tired. (Well, I am tired but it’s because I was at a wedding until late last night.)

Just pregnant.

Had an ultrasound last week to ensure that it's a viable pregnancy. I just want to make sure everything is good to go because last time it wasn't. That, and the fact that my doctor is giving up her practice to go into psychology and is writing referrals left, right and centre.

It was quite the experience really. I was nervous. I was very nervous. Last time I went the baby wasn’t there and I started to miscarry 2 days later.

This time?

Success!

Everything is right on track.

And it was jumping around! Hilarious! Amazing. Something only 1.2” long was jumping around!

And then, magic happened.

I heard the heartbeat.

162 bpm.

I heard it’s heartbeat.

Beautiful. Just beautiful.

This is when it sunk in. I saw the baby. I heard it's heartbeat. It was jumping around.

I really am pregnant. And it's progressing as it should. This is the moment I started to bond. I was too afraid to before. Just in case it wasn't there anymore. But now? I'm delighted! The Husband and myself are celebrating now. We're talking about it now. We're enjoying it now.

We have a baby on the way!

You always lose with Mr. Booze.

I used to think I was a mean drunk. Not all of the time, but some of the time. Usually when someone pissed me off. I was fine and dandy until something was said that irked me to no end. And then I’d say hateful things. Things that I would immediately regret. Things that I was totally feeling and thinking, but things that just didn’t need to be said outloud.

But now, since not drinking, I’ve come to realize that it’s not the booze. It’s me.

And when I say that I’ve come to realize, I actually mean that it’s been pointed out to me.

By my husband.

Saturday night on our way home from a birthday party we got into a tiff.

“I know I’m irritable and bitchy. I’m pregnant for crying out loud. Read up on the fucking symptoms, I’m supposed to be this way!”

“No, you were like this before becoming pregnant. You’ve ALWAYS been like this.”

Great. Now my husband is basically telling me that I’m a bitch.

So, I went to bed mad. Woke up at 6am to the FUCKING TENANT SNORING again, sad. And have been incredibly sad ever since.

If I’m this bad of a wife, what kind of mother am I going to be?

Urs.

Kinda Creepy.

Apparently I wasn't over-reacting.

When I told my Darling Husband about it, he freaked. As much as he freaks that is. (I'm the freaker-outer in the marriage.) He thought the same thing as I did... that mornings are for peace and quiet. So he was going to mention that night at poker not to do that again, just to call first. In the case that we're walking around naked for crying out loud.

Or just not wanting to be bothered.

Then I felt kind of bad, I didn't want to make a scene, I didn't want to hurt The Tenant's feelings, you know? I didn't want to make a mountain out of a molehill. Then I realized that I wasn't. The Husband was! Yay! It's all on him. Has nothing to do with me now. Good times.

Fast forward about 10 hours. It's after work now and about 1 hour before The Husband's weekly poker night with the boys. He tells me that Neal (tenant) got in an accident returning the rental car thismorning. He's 37 and hasn't driven since he got his license at 16. It freaks him out too much. I'm not sure if he got in an accident or what, when he was 16, but he doesn't drive. And yet he rented a car to move. And he didn't sleep all night. (I woke up at 6:30 to him moving stuff around in the basement suite... he stayed up all night doing this.) And so, at 10:30 in the morning returning the car... he fell asleep at the wheel and cruised into the back of a van.

Everyone involved is a.o.k.

But that really creeped me out.

A.) that he stayed up all night to unpack and move things around when he had two days off. Kinda weird.

B.) because he stayed up all night he fell asleep DRIVING. What an irresponsible move on his part. What a stupid decision.

What happens if he does the same thing, only next time in our basement with the stove on or something?

Scary.

Creepy actually.

Urs.

There's something in the walls.

So, I woke up thismorning at 6:30. Nothing unusual about that. Hit snooze to cop another ten.

That's when I heard it.

Scuffling. Scuffling and shuffling about. Oh My God, don't tell me there's something living in the freakin' walls of our new house.


And then I remembered.... our tenant moved into the basement suite last night. He was moving stuff around I guess. Getting settled.

It wasn't loud enough to wake me up, just keep me up.

Fast forward.

I finished my shower and was starting the coffee when there was a knock on the back door and a person peering through my kitchen window. Scared the bejeezus out of me for crying out loud. Then he tries the door!

I'm in my jammies. I'm pregnant and showing a month before we can even tell anyone. It's the freakin' morning for God sakes...I just want privacy and quiet.

So I shut off the alarm, put on my robe, and step outside.

He wants to know where the nearest grocery store is.

So I tell him and I give him the user manual for the washer and dryer.

It's fine that he's getting settled and everything and there will need to be a few things ironed out as he unpacks and organizes in our basement; in a new neighbourhood for him. So I'm not going to bitch. I'm not going to rant and rave. It was only a question. He needed to know, at 7am in the morning, where the closest grocery store was. So I won't say anything. I won't go off.

Really, I won't.

Urs.