You know what I haven't done in a long time?

Poured a glass of wine, cranked the tunes, and leisurly prepared dinner.

Ok, so I've poured a glass of wine recently (or two.) (ok, or three.).

But I used to do that every night. Every single night. I'd pour a glass of my favourite wine, put something easy on the cd player (Celine Dion - hey, don't judge! I've just hopped on the Celine bandwagon with the release of her latest - Blue Rodeo, Harry Chapin, Alison Krauss, you get the picture), and headed to the kitchen to plan and prepare dinner. Light a few candles (although this time of year it's still light out), and really really enjoy myself.

So that's what I'm going to do.

Right now.

Urs.

You know what's weird?

I'm not pregnant.

And we tried so hard! We did everything according to all the websites, ovulation kits, advice, yada yada yada.

And we didn't get pregnant.

See? You really can't control anything.

So here we are.

Not pregnant.

But having sex all the time with the intent to have some fun. To enjoy each other. (To get pregnant.)

But not putting a charge on getting pregnant. Putting a charge on enjoying ourselves. Twisting up the energetics a bit.

If that's possible.

Because, energetically, there's still, no matter how much we try to fool ourselves, a charge on the getting pregnant bit.

My cycle has changed over the past 3 months, so we're covering all bases by having sex every day. So we're having lots of fun! And the sex is getting better! The Husband is surprising me along the way, too....doing things to me that I only fantasize about. I must say, especially yesterday morning (we're morning sex people!), I was completely taken aback, in a GREAT way, by what he shocked me with. Good times. I hope this isn't crass, but I think I'll jump him as soon as he walks through the door tonight.

And surprise him right back.

Urs.

Hola Amigos

Back from Mexico. Still walking sideways from the drugs I need to get on a plane. The wine isn't helping.

Or is it?

Had a great time. More to come.

Funny-weird stuff happened.

Good times.

Urs.

So I was just cruisin' around and realized that I need to get to Vegas.

I haven't been since September.

I'm in withdrawal. Serious withdrawal.

Yes, we're hitting the Mayan in two weeks. Yes, we'll be doing absolutley nothing but laying on the beach, drinking and eating (and maybe, just maybe, making babies) (and yes, I mean bab-ies. We're going for twins) (and I still don't know why everyone thinks we're nuts for wanting twins. Just because I'll be 38 by the time I give birth - if we get pregnant right away - if not, I'll be older.... Just because I'm high-risk already (who decides the "high-risk" factor anyways? They should be fired for putting so much FEAR in people. Gheesh. Just because it's like a 3-ring circus when you're trying to go anywhere with twins.... doesn't mean we're nuts for wanting them. It just means we're over-achievers.)

(Or nuts.)

Yes, we'll come home relaxed and ready to tackle the world. Yes, we'll come home speaking Spanish again (except in January we were speaking a mix of Spanish and French when we got back from the Dominican).

But we'll be tanned and relaxed!

But Vegas. Oh, my favourite city in the world. Oh, how I miss you.

Perhaps in May. Unless I'm pregnant. The only place left on God's Green Earth where you can smoke and drink in public. And there's a two-drink-minimum for a mammogram.

Oh how I love that town.

Urs.

You know one of my favourite things in the world?

Coming home after running errands and pouring a drink and relaxing on the deck for a few minutes.

I love that time. That few moments of quiet. Just looking over my back yard. Watching the neighbours come and go. Listening to the woodpeckers on the telephone pole.

And then leisurly walking into the house and putting away the groceries, or starting dinner preparations, or putting on the stereo and reading the paper.

I love that time of day.

A few years ago, when Stacy and I were roomates, we used to dash out the door mid-morning on a Saturday. Hit the grocery store. Hit the vegetable stand down the street. Hit the liquor store. And then pop into a pub for lunch.

We'd get back to the house, put everything away, and then pour a drink and sit on our back deck and decompress. Not that the errands were exhausting, it was just our routine. And it was a nice one. We'd have time to catch each other up on our week. We'd chat about the men, or lack thereof, in our lives. She'd talk to me about switching careers (although she never did, not yet anyway). I'd talk to her about my latest business idea. It was a great time together, and I still cherish those memories.

Fast forward a couple of years, she's married with a new baby. I'm married without. So far. (I think I'm ready to be pregnant again. I think.) So when I get home after errands, I pour myself a drink, grab the phone, sit on the deck, and give her a buzz. Sometimes we chat for 30 seconds, sometimes for 10 minutes, sometimes longer. Or sometimes not at all.

I still like that time for myself. Even though I have alot of time to myself these days, that's a magical time. It's like dusk. A magical time.

And then I'm usually brought back to reality by The Husband poking his head out the window to ask when I'm doing a white wash because he's almost out of underwear.

But I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Urs.

My Husband is Superman to me.

I look up to him. I admire him. I believe in him. I listen to what he has to say.... for the most part.

So when he comes home at midnight on a Saturday after running an event, it disturbs me when he tells me he's feeling down.

Everyone can have shitty days. And he has. But this was different. It wasn't bitching about the company. It was that he was feeling undervalued.

Because he is. He's taken for granted where he works. Everyone knows that he is the best, and they also know that he does the job. He gets the job done. He's the only one that knows the job. And he loves his job.

Saturday evening, mid-event, another Director walks into his office with a secret.

He was offered a MAJOR position with a MAJOR corporation (I'm using caps because it IS major, but remember, he's in a very different field. Not mainstream.) (And not porn either!), and he turned it down. This other Director has 8 years to go until retirement. He can see the light at the end of the tunnel now. He knows exactly what the next 8 years will entail, and he does not want to start something new, when there's only a few years left to go until he's golfing seven days a week.

We love this man. He's a good friend to both of us. I can see his point of view.

Back to The Husband.

He was upset that he's not getting the headhunters knocking on his door. And he runs the show! But nobody in the city recognizes it, because his name isn't attached to it. He runs it from behind the scenes. He's not out there in the world for all to see. He does it quietly. Professionally, but quietly.

And so he's feeling undervalued.

Which, in all reality, he is.

My heart ached for him as we were chatting. I know he's the best (I used to work there... it's where we met). I know that everyone else in that company knows he's the best.

So we're developing a game-plan together. We're strategizing on how he can be recognized "out there" for what he does. So the next 150K job that comes along, will come along to him.

He's scared, like me, of being visible. He's nervous in networking scenarios. He's jittery in public. He's the behind-the-scenes guy. But I think he's ready to step into the spotlight. To claim what's his.

I'm so excited for him. It's about time he was recognized for what he does. It's about time WE realized we are deserving of financial success. Financial wealth.

And finally, it seems we are open to it.

Urs.

Such a great day today.

After the snow and hail of last night, today was beautiful and warm and sunny. I sat on my deck for a good part of the day, having a drink and ciggie and looking over my back yard, trying to decide what to do first. What I was going to plant where. When I should weed the veggie garden to get it ready for planting. When to chop down the old fruit tree that's got to go (the good ones are staying).

Zipped to the grocery store. Zipped to the liquor store. Zipped to a friends' place for a quick cup of coffee.

Just putted around really.

Right now I have a delicious marinade basting away. Scallops, veggies. Yum.

The Husband is working a show tonight so I'm relishing in the house with a glass of wine and some music on.

Just being.

Good times.

Urs.