Breathe, Urs, Breathe

There was a time, not too long ago, where I would meditate twice a day. Once in the morning while waiting for my coffee to perk, and once in the evening before bedtime. My life was calm. I didn't get rattled very often. Stress was low. I handled things with ease. I was happy, pleasant, courteous and fair.

Now?

I have a client renting one of my locations for a commercial shoot.

She, apparently, is tightly wound and reactive. She jumped down my throat yesterday, freaking out about something that had an easy fix. I gave her options. She couldn't hear me in the mess she was in. The stress level was very high. She was freaking OUT. Anyway, to make a long story short, the issue was rectified (and I might add, the solution was one of the solutions I gave her that she was all NO NO NO, that WON'T do.), and all is good.

But I was rattled. Her freaking out on me really rattled my senses and made me second guess myself. Made me second guess the issue and our correspondence to date. Her freak out, I suppose, could have simply been a tactic to get what she wanted (I can't stand those type of people), but I don't think she's smart enough to use tactics. I think she was just being a bitch. (I rarely use that word, but this gal? Totally deserving of it.)

I had to go for a drive to calm down and try to get back in my body. I was second guessing my abilities to do my job for crying out loud. It's not her fault, she was just the actor in the play against the backdrop that is my life. That whole scene played out to show me where I'm wounded. Where I may be stuck, energetically. But wow, it was a pretty big scene.

So last night, after dinner at the in-laws, I decided that I would have a nice meditation before bed, and a nice meditation before work. Try to get back in the habit so I'm not thrown for a loop so often. So I can stay in my body and see clearly when these issues arise.

We got home and washed up. The Husband sat down to watch some movie on the telly and I put on my jammies, kissed him goodnight, walked in the room to meditate.

As soon as I was walking towards the bed, the thought completely left my mind and the normal bedtime habits crept in. Turn on Art Bell. Grab gardening mag. Lock cats out of room (one of them is very pesky and annoying at night) (Love her dearly, just not when she's eating my toes.). Fluff up pillow.

And so I did all that, shut off the light, and promptly fell asleep. Had wild dreams. Woke up. Forgot once again to meditate. Didn't even cross my mind.

And so driving in to work today, I was two streets away from my house and the first person flipped me off. About 20 seconds later, a second person flipped me off. And for nothing! I did not do anything! They're just road-ragers I guess. Construction going on. Pissed off miserable people.

And again, I was rattled.

Fuck. This is horrendous. I cannot go through life un-grounded and out of my body and second-guessing myself. It's dangerous. It's stressful.

Ommmmmm......

Urs.